100% Committed

Sunday today...again. Singles ward...again. When I think that I have been in the singles ward for almost 14 years it makes me want to vomit :) I can't believe it's been that long. Anyway, I'm definitely over the singles scene and ready to get married or move on or whatever. I'm forcing myself to stay though because...I don't know, I just am. Anyway, I've been getting a lot of comments lately on how good I look. All from girls of course. My one friend Nick did comment on my butt the other day. I was leaning on the counter with my butt sticking out at Josh's the other night and he walked in and got something and then leaned in close to me and goes, "You've lost a lot of weight and when you lean over and stick you're butt out I just can't restrain myself" or something like that. He was joking of course, but it's nice to get the compliment none the less. I know I'm working hard and losing weight so I can feel good, have a healthy body, and a million other reasons, but let's face it, I'm doing it a lot for the fact that guys will be more interested in me when I weigh less. I haven't seen the fruits of my labors yet...but I just have to have faith that someday someone will be interested :) . I didn't go to weigh in this week. I had to get my treats done for Temple Prep so I didn't have time, but I wouldn't have gone anyway. I haven't done very good that last few weeks. I was up 2 pounds two weeks ago and I think if I would have weighed in on Wed I would have been up...I just couldn't face it so I didn't go. I did however feel more confident after running a few miles with Cindy on Friday night and then going to body combat on Saturday morning. I went to go weigh in after the gym but they were closed so I guess I just go on Wednesday. I'm trying to force myself to track and start doing all the things on the plan I know I should be doing but it's just hard. It's time consuming. I know I lose weight when I do them, but it's still hard. I guess it shows how much I want it. I have a motivation board in my bathroom with saying and pictures and things on it and one says "100% committed" . I want to be 100% committed to changing my life. Not this 25% crap. That's my goal for this week. Be 100% committed. It doesn't mean I won't screw up but I will acknowledge it and move on and keep going. I won't give up. I'll keep you posted!

Motivation

I'm going to start blogging more. Mostly just to remember how I feel and felt during this time. I should have started at the beginning but I didn't really have the time and honestly I didn't know if this journey was going to be short lived or not. I started doing Weight Watchers last December and have lost 40 pounds since then. 11 months is a long time considering that some people can lose that in like 4 months, but I don't care. I feel good with my progress and I want to just keep going. Even if this last 40 pounds takes me another year. I've definitely changed the way I eat and think about food, but not enough yet. I need another year to completely change and be dedicated to it because the last thing I want is to lose all this weight and then gain it back.
For the past maybe 4 months or so I've been really into the gym. I would do 2 classes a day usually and it was at the expense of my social life. I would go to work, go to the gym till late, come home get a few things done and go to bed. I felt ok with it though. I was doing something for me and that was more important then going and watching a movie or something. So far I've gone from a size 18 to between a size 14 and 12. It's really annoying to be between sizes. Anyway, I love that I can see the changes in my body, I can see muscle definition, my hips are smaller, my clothes are baggier and I love that I can see my clavicle bones just a little :) . I think I'm having a hard time getting motivated because I have all these things already. I know I want to get smaller, but sometimes it feels like "ok, I'm in a size 12, that's not small but it's not huge...I could live with that for the rest of my life." I need to get past that mind set. I have a goal of 150 pounds...I don't know what size that is, but I want to get there and I can't stop now and be satisfied with my progress. I still have a long way to go. Maybe it's just the fact too that I've been doing this for almost a year and I'm just tired. I need to get re-motivated and fast. I've gotta figure out how to do that for me.
Recently I started running. I always though I wasn't a runner. I would run for about 2 minutes and my legs would hurt and I couldn't breath and I hated it. I recently figured out that running does hurt and sometimes it hard to breath but you just keep going. It's true what they say about running being 90% mental. If I force myself to go further I can do it. My legs are not going to fall off and I'm not going to die. I just have to force myself to keep going. That's the hardest part sometimes though. Ok I have to get back to work, I'll write more later.